#9 - I Myself Am Strange and Unusual
AKA "this is halloween, this is halloween, pumpkins scream in the dead of night"
PROLOGUE
Hello! It’s October, or Halloween, as I call the entire season from, like, August to October. This is my third favorite month and Halloween is my second favorite holiday, so I’m determined to enjoy this year’s — especially since Taylor Swift is dropping an album soon.
In the meantime, my copy of A Song of Silver and Gold by Mel Karibian finally came in, so that’s my current read. It’s a sapphic, killer Little Mermaid retelling, and it’s everything to me right now. Plus, it’s spooky season, so I’ll be watching a horror movie every day this month. And eventually watching Hocus Pocus for the first time, because my agent is deeply disappointed in me. I started with The Visit, though. I saw that one in theaters and it shook me, mostly due to one particular scene. If You Know You Know.
Finally, I’ve had Demi Lovato’s HOLY FVCK on repeat. I’m not a huge fan of them normally, but I’ve really loved her last two albums. And I love that they, and Miley Cyrus, have transitioned to more of a pop rock sound, because pop rock is one of my favorite genres.
I hope October is full of love, light, and fun-spooky times for you all. Now, let’s get into all the things I like.
CHAPTER 1: POP CULTURE MOMENT OF THE MONTH
I was going to write an entire essay about how much a Black Ariel means to me, but apparently I am nearly at the email newsletter character limit. So come back next month, and I’ll somehow work that in. In the meantime, just watch the trailer again, because Halle Bailey KILLED IT.
CHAPTER 2: THE NON-WRITING SIDE OF BEING A WRITER
My debut novel, SO LET THEM BURN (add her on Goodreads!), doesn’t come out until 2024, but when Chelsea told me she had been invited to National Book Festival in Washington, DC, I said, “Can I come?” At the time, I had the money. I had friends who had moved to DC in the past year that I wanted to see. And, above all, supporting my friend seemed like a low-pressure way of easing myself into the kinds of things that they don’t tell you are part of the “job” of being a writer.
Before I ever finished a book, I told my best friend that I would hire her to be my “public face,” so I could stay in my little introvert hermit hole and focus on the writing. Obviously, I ended up just getting a pen name — for various reasons, including personal safety, but partially to keep a very sharp divide between my personal and public lives — but even with two years before my debut I still find myself wishing that being an author meant nothing more than writing books. Sadly, those books need to turn a profit, so I can afford to eat and so I can sell more of them. To have a career, I have to, yikes, promote my work.
There’s a lot of discourse about what that means, and how much of that even should be the responsibility of the author. Readers can’t buy a book that they’ve never heard of, and it’s publishers who have the money to advertise on Instagram and send out influencer boxes with swag and so on. But that’s not discourse I’m interested in wading in on. I’d like to focus on appearances, specifically the two kinds I explored this month: festivals and panels.
National Book Festival was SO FUN. Chelsea registered me as her plus one, so I was able to experience some author perks minus actually being up on stage. I met so many authors. I went home with free food in my purse like a gremlin, I mean what. I stayed up until midnight on a rooftop with my dear friends, talking about writing and friendship and the future. It was a truly amazing experience.
Shortly after I came back, I was on my first panel, a virtual session hosted by Authors of Tomorrow about self-editing with The Rosewood Hunt author Mackenzie Reed and People to Follow author Olivia Worley. Unfortunately, due to a tech issue, the recording won’t be live for those who missed it, but it was so interesting to get to show up early to talk with the host and my fellow panelists and then try to balance dropping resources in the chat with actually thinking about my answers and playing off someone else’s. Even if only one person had shown up (I actually didn’t see how many people came), the fact that anyone at all came out to support me made me so happy.
But as I reflect on what I learned from the taste of non-writing work that I had in October, I have to say… that was exhausting. I hate caring about what I look like, and after this pandemic I worry that my high-energy enthusiasm comes across as more annoying than anything else. I would get back to the hotel room with Chelsea and silently panic spiral, wondering if everyone I met that day hated me. I cringed at the sight of myself on camera at my panel. I had stress sweats! I just wanted to go back into my little hidey hole and write my little gay books.
I also had fun. I loved getting to tear up listening to Chelsea talk about The Stardust Thief or Ebony talk about Love Radio. I loved meeting the phenomenal librarians of the Library of Congress, and the volunteers who escorted the authors from panel to panel. I loved meeting Mackenzie and Olivia and commiserating with them afterward about how nervous we are. That’s the weird thing about writing. It’s a solitary activity, and, in many ways, that part is important. But it’s so, so hard to do this as a career without a community around you.
Maybe I did all of this wrong, especially since I was just doing this for funsies and I won’t be promoting my book in earnest for at least another year. But being among a community of book lovers and trying to inspire the writers still working on their craft was both draining and uplifting. Even with the downsides I saw and the downsides still to come — having to pay your way, being well aware that you’re not particularly moving the needle on your book sales, the time, the effort, the potential for being ~annoying~ to people — I had fun and wanted to write even more than ever. So, at least for me and at least for now, the non-writing sides of writing just fueled my creativity.
Check back in a year to see if I change my mind when I start doing it NOT by choice, haha. 🤪
CHAPTER 3: HAVE A LITTLE PODCAST, AS A TREAT
I was going to recommend a spooky podcast, but as summer turns to fall I know that many of us have seasonal depression that’s about to kick in. Thus, I’d like to recommend a therapy podcast I discovered called Therapy for Black Girls. Hosted by licensed Atlanta psychologist, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, every episode tackles a new subject with a new expert. So far, I’ve listened to “Exporing Asexuality and Aromanticism” and “Managing Creator Burnout”, and I’ve found the conversations really illuminating.
A podcast is not going to cure your seasonal depression, of course, and no podcast is a replacement for actual mental health services if you have the means and access. But whether you’re a black girl or not, I’d really recommend checking this one out.
CHAPTER 4: THE REC ROOM
I’ve run out of shoutouts, so I’m going to use this section to highlight one book a month I’m really excited about. Since this is the first time, I’m calling out two, because one of my very best friend debuted last month and I want you to buy her book.
LAST OF THE TALONS by Sophie Kim
After the destruction of her gang, Shin Lina is forced to become a living, breathing weapon for the kingdom’s most-feared crime lord. All that keeps her from turning on her ruthless master is the life of her beloved little sister hanging in the balance. But the order to steal a tapestry from a Dokkaebi temple incites not only the wrath of a legendary immortal, but the beginning of an unwinnable game. Suddenly Lina finds herself in the realm of the Dokkaebi, her fate in the hands of its cruel and captivating emperor.
THE WHISPERING DARK by Kelly Andrew
Deaf student Delaney Meyers-Petrov has always talked to the dark, but she never expected it to talk back. When she enrolls in her university’s prestigious new-age program, she must learn to channel her uncanny abilities in order to cross the tether between worlds. Thrown together with a capricious upperclassman who seems determined to keep her at arm’s length, she soon finds herself venturing down a rabbit-hole of deeply buried institutional secrets.
CHAPTER 5: LOOK AT MY CAT!!!
As you may know, I adopted a shelter cat in December 2021, who I named Sora Mittens. I have no preface for this image, except that I love this cat so much.
EPILOGUE
Thank you for subscribing and/or for sticking around! I hope you like rambles, shenanigans, and nonsense, because that’s truly all this is. October is for tricks and treats, and I hope it’s a treat for all of you, because the world deserves a little more sweetness, don’t you think?